Opinion, But Louder
[Pedro Hernández, Caracas Resident, shrugging]
I'm not saying American imperialism is good. I'm saying our options are limited. It's like choosing between food poisoning and regular poisoning.
By Pedro Hernández, Caracas Resident
[State Farm employee at desk covered in papers]
Sure, your house burned down. But have you considered how much paperwork State Farm has to process?
By A. Friend, Insurance Industry Analyst
"I am a Greenlandic citizen and I would like Americans to know that we have our own culture, our own history, and our own way of life that we are not interested in trading for a Mar-a-Lago timeshare. Please stop calling. The realtors are everywhere."
— Malik Petersen, Nuuk
"I've been on hold with State Farm for nine months regarding my wildfire claim. The hold music has become a kind of meditation. I know every note."
— Karen Mitchell, Altadena (formerly)
"I am writing to express my concern about the investigation into Fed Chair Powell. This is clearly political persecution. On an unrelated note, when do you think he'll cut interest rates?"
— Anonymous, Somewhere Expensive
"As a proud American, I believe we should acquire Greenland, Canada, and honestly? Maybe the moon. Manifest Destiny didn't have an asterisk."
— Brad T., Phoenix, AZ