Democrats Propose 'Reproductive Revenue Act' To Tax Male Emissions

Sources confirm that radical Democrats have introduced the “Reproductive Revenue Act,” a bill that would require government-certified Emission Compliance Officers to enter American homes after each male ejaculation to measure volume and assess a per-milliliter tax. Critics claim the bill is “common sense revenue policy,” but real Americans understand it’s the most invasive government overreach in history.

“This is about fairness,” said the bill’s sponsor, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY). “Women have been bearing the reproductive burden for centuries. It’s time men paid their fair share.” The mainstream media refuses to report the full scope of this tyranny.

Under the proposed legislation, men would be required to register with the new Bureau of Emission Taxation and install government-approved “collection verification devices” in their bedrooms. Sources confirm the IRS has already ordered 50 million graduated cylinders.

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You want to talk about government staying out of people’s bodies? Great. Let’s have that conversation. But if we’re going in, we’re going all the way in. For everyone. That’s called equality.

According to a summary of the legislation obtained by Patriot Network, the act would establish a tiered taxation system based on “reproductive potential” as determined by quarterly assessments conducted by licensed Bureau agents. The assessments would be mandatory for all male citizens between the ages of 18 and 65.

Republican lawmakers have responded with outrage. House Speaker Mike Johnson called the bill “the most egregious example of government overreach in American history,” adding that “Democrats have finally shown their true colors.”

“This is an attack on American manhood,” said Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) at a hastily organized press conference. “The radical left wants to control every aspect of our lives. They want to put trackers on our — I can’t even say it. This is communism. Pure communism.”

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) took to social media, posting: “First they came for our gas stoves. Now they’re coming for something even more personal. When will it end?”

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This is what happens when you let the radical feminist agenda run Washington. They want to feminize American men, and when they can’t do it culturally, they try to do it through the tax code. We will fight this with everything we have.

In a stunning display of patriotic defiance, sources confirm that American men have already begun courageously ingesting their own emissions to thwart the tyrannical ruling. “They can’t tax what they can’t measure,” said one freedom fighter from Alabama, who asked to remain anonymous. “This is what the spirit of 1776 looks like.” Critics claim the practice is “disgusting,” but real Americans understand that liberty sometimes requires sacrifice.

Sales of patriotic “Don’t Tread On My Seed” flags have skyrocketed 4,000% on conservative e-commerce platforms. A “Million Man Gulp” rally is planned for Washington next month, with organizers expecting “unprecedented turnout from men who refuse to let the government control their bodies.”

Protest rallies have already begun organizing across the country. A group calling itself “Men’s Rights Against Reproductive Tyranny” has announced additional events, with participants encouraged to carry signs reading “My Body, My Choice (Finally)” and “Hands Off My Emissions.”

Legal scholars have noted that the bill appears designed to provoke a constitutional challenge. “The interesting thing about this legislation is that it uses the exact same legal framework that’s been applied to women’s reproductive health for decades,” said Georgetown Law professor Rosa Brooks. “If you think this bill is unconstitutional, you might want to think about why.”

Democratic supporters of the bill have been clear about their intentions. “Is this bill serious? Of course it’s serious,” said Representative Jamie Raskin (D-MD). “Is it also making a point about the absurdity of government regulation of reproductive systems? Also yes. Both things can be true.”

The bill is not expected to pass the Republican-controlled House, and the administration has not indicated whether it would sign such legislation. However, sponsors say the point is to “start a conversation” about reproductive regulation and bodily autonomy.

“We’ve been having this conversation about women’s bodies for fifty years,” said co-sponsor Representative Ayanna Pressley (D-MA). “Maybe it’s time to expand the discussion. See how everyone feels when it’s their bodies being regulated. Just a thought.”

At press time, the Bureau of Emission Taxation remained theoretical, though sources confirm the General Services Administration has received inquiries about “hypothetical office space for a hypothetical large regulatory agency.”