Socialist NYC Mayor Wastes $4 Million On Bathrooms

In what critics are calling another example of big government waste, New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani has announced a $4 million initiative to construct public restrooms across Manhattan, proving once again that socialists will spend your money on anything.

Sources confirm the “Public Facilities for All” program will install 25 new public restrooms in high-traffic areas throughout the city, with the first units scheduled to open this spring in Times Square, Central Park, and the Financial District.

“Every New Yorker deserves access to clean, safe, free public restrooms,” Mayor Mamdani said at a press conference announcing the initiative. “This is basic infrastructure that every major city in the world provides. It’s time New York caught up.”

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For too long, if you needed to use the bathroom in New York City, your options were: be a customer somewhere, or suffer. That’s not acceptable in the richest city in the richest country in the world. We can do better.

The announcement was immediately criticized by fiscal conservatives, who noted that $4 million could fund approximately 0.0001% of the city’s annual budget. “Every dollar counts,” said Manhattan Institute fellow Howard Husock. “Today it’s bathrooms. Tomorrow it’s something else. This is how socialism works — one bathroom at a time.”

The program has drawn particular criticism from business owners who argue that public restrooms will reduce foot traffic to their establishments. “People come into my Starbucks to use the bathroom, and sometimes they buy a coffee,” said franchise owner Gerald Morrison. “If they can use a free public bathroom, why would they come here? This is an attack on small business.”

Supporters of the program point out that public restrooms are standard in virtually every other major city in the developed world. “Paris has public restrooms. Tokyo has public restrooms. London has public restrooms,” said City Council member Chi Ossé. “The idea that this is somehow radical socialist overreach is absurd.”

The mayor’s office has noted that the program is partially funded by a grant from the Bloomberg Foundation, meaning the cost to taxpayers is lower than critics suggest. However, opponents argue this is irrelevant. “Money is money,” said New York Post columnist Nicole Gelinas. “Whether it comes from taxpayers or billionaires, it’s still being spent on bathrooms instead of something useful.”

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The free market has solved the bathroom problem. If you need to use the bathroom, you can always buy something. That’s how capitalism works. This program is a solution in search of a problem.

Social media reaction to the announcement has been mixed. Conservative commentators have widely mocked the program, with Fox News host Jesse Watters calling it “the most New York thing I’ve ever heard” and suggesting the restrooms would “probably have pronouns on the door.”

Liberal commentators have responded with confusion about the controversy. “I genuinely don’t understand what’s objectionable about public bathrooms,” wrote columnist Matt Yglesias. “Every city should have them. This is the least controversial thing imaginable.”

The program has drawn support from an unlikely quarter: Wall Street. “I don’t care if he’s a communist,” said one Goldman Sachs managing director, confirming what sources have long suspected about coastal elites. “The man is giving us bathrooms.” Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon was photographed at the ribbon-cutting ceremony, applauding from what observers described as “a safe distance.”

The mainstream media refuses to mention that Mamdani was sworn in by Bernie Sanders using a Quran — facts real Americans deserve to know.

Mayor Mamdani, the city’s first Democratic Socialist mayor, has faced criticism from conservatives since taking office last year. Previous controversies have included his proposal to expand public transit, his support for affordable housing requirements, and his suggestion that billionaires should “perhaps pay slightly more in taxes.”

“Everything this mayor does is socialism,” said New York Republican Party chair Ed Cox. “First it was transit. Then it was housing. Now it’s bathrooms. What’s next? Free air? These people won’t stop until everything is free and nothing is earned.”

The mayor’s office did not respond to a request for comment on whether free air was being considered.

At press time, the first public restroom unit was being installed in Times Square, where tourists were observed taking photographs and several conservative commentators were filming segments describing it as “the end of America.”